When we love deeply, we mourn deeply. When Mike Nappa lost his beloved wife, Amy, to cancer, he had moments where he wondered if he’d ever feel joy or hope again. Thankfully, his friends and family rallied around him and shared Bible verses that became a source of comfort to him in his darkest hours. Today he shares a reflection on one of those verses, Isaiah 60:20, and how it rang true to him on one particularly hard day after his wife’s death. It’s a wild grace to welcome Mike to the farm’s table today…
The Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end. ISAIAH 60:20 NIV
I’ve discovered that the things you really miss when you lose a loved one are the not-so-obvious ones.
I mean, of course you miss the obvious things—her touch, her laugh, seeing her smile when you walk into the room, the warmth of her frame pressed into yours, holding her hand, the scent of her life filling your home, the gentle weight of her body sleeping quietly beside you.
But you also miss the unexpected things:
The joy of anticipating her arrival home.
The way her spirit filled your house when she was in it.
The comfort of feeling obligated to someone because you just longed for nothing more than to be obligated to her.
Those little, loving obligations are what I’m missing most right now.
“The Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end.” Isaiah 60:20
I find when I go somewhere, I want to text and tell her I made it there safely. But there’s no one who cares that I made it to Walmart today. When it’s almost time for dinner, I want to ask her, “What do you want to eat tonight?” But of course, no one cares whether I order Chinese takeout or have cold cereal for dinner.
I want to tell her, “Hey, I made your Academy Awards ballot today!” and, “Let’s take Friday off work and go see that movie you wanted to see” and, “I put gas in your car so you should be fine going to the airport and back on Thursday.”
And I’m realizing that the reason I struggle to write now is because, despite what I pretended, I always wrote for her.
Every book, every article, it always mattered to me because it mattered to her, because she wanted me to do it, because she thought my writing was worth reading. I have no one like that in my life now, no one who makes me want to work so, so hard to delight them with silly words strung in rows on a page.
I have hope that someday I’ll have hope again.
This is what I miss right now, the salvation of all those little obligations, the unfiltered joy I felt from just being able to make her happy. That, I’ve learned, is what made me happy, what gave me purpose.
It is tempting to think I will always mourn these little losses, to assume my best days are behind me and that only sorrow awaits in my tomorrows. I have believed that from time to time these past lonely months.
But today I saw Isaiah 60:20. It felt as if I were reading it for the first time:
The Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end.
Did God really say that? Can it be true for a broken thing like me?
I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. PSALM 40:1–2 NLT
It has been hard for me to have any real hope for my future since my wife died. This morning, though, I read a promise of Scripture and almost believed it for myself. That feels new.
Those words from Isaiah have given me something today that seems different than yesterday:
I have hope that someday I’ll have hope again.
Hey, it’s a start, right?
Prayer for Today
God, You promised that days of sorrow would end. I know that takes time, but how about if You and I work toward that a little more today? Amen
It is good to wait quietly for deliverance from the Lord. LAMENTATIONS 3:26 HCSB
I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. PSALM 40:1–2 NLT
Mike Nappa is an award-winning, Arab-American author and editor of Christian books and ministry resources. He holds a master’s degree in Bible & Theology. He is a contributing writer for Crosswalk.com, Christianity.com, and Beliefnet.com. Mike served in ministry for years and co-authored a number of books with his wife, Amy, before losing her to cancer in 2016. He resides in Colorado, where he continues to write and comfort those who grieve. Learn more about his book, Reflections for the Grieving Soul at www.GrievingSoul.com
[ Our humble thanks to Zondervan for their partnership in today’s devotional. ]
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